Pregnancy: What I've Learned

This one is for my precious daughters...

Lately I've been thinking so much about kids;

Having them, bearing them, raising them. I'm so amazed with the female body and everything that women go through physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in this process.

It's just amazing. 

 I've always wanted to write a pregnancy post but I never felt qualified enough (I still dont), and I didn't know exactly how I wanted to go about it, and yada yada yada....I don't care anymore. 

Got so much on my mind about this topic that I need to record it before I forget most of it. Hopefully it will come together in some cohesive way that makes sense. Most importantly,
 I want something to reference back to one day when my kids are having kids
(wow that thought just scared the crap outta me lol). 
I'm sure I'm going to keep adding to this list, but at least it's a start. I want to make sure I get at least a few important things down and have something to pass on. 

Now after 3 kids (and with one on the way) I'm going to attempt to list everything I've learned over the past 5 years of childbearing. I'm sure my preggo brain will leave out many things. This again is from my experiences so it may not apply to everyone, and I don't claim to be an expert but again it's what I have learned for myself and find important (repeating myself?)....yes? well then I guess it's time to get started...

Conceiving

1. It's harder than you realize.
   I got pregnant right away, but this isn't the case for everyone.
2. Don't put pressure on yourself to get pregnant right after marriage. 
   I was actually the opposite. I just assumed that I would have a hard time since it is difficult for the women on my Mom's side to have kids. Turns out I take after my Dad's side of the family. #fertilemyrtles
3. Don't add to the pressure.
   As in asking newlyweds "When's the baby coming?" or "Are you pregnant yet?" or anything along those lines. Some couples are trying, some aren't, some may be pregnant and not sure if it is time to tell everyone the news, some may have just gone through a miscarriage, or had several miscarriages. You never know someone's situation so be sensitive.

Pregnancy

1. Don't compare yourself to others. 
   Just don't. Every pregnancy is unique, so try your best to not play the comparison game. And this applies to many things, not just pregnancy.
2. Eat healthy and exercise. 
   I hate this one, but it really does make a difference. P.s You're not actually eating for two. It's more like one and a fourth. So don't over indulge in sweets and gout foods and everything delicious in the world. Try try try to eat healthy and in moderation.  You'll feel better and so will baby.
3. Get educated.
   Knowledge is power. So be informed, learn as much as you can. Do classes if you can, but if you can't then read and study up on things. This includes your husband too. Get him on board because he's the last person you want panicking and getting all worried.
4. Surround yourself with positive people.
   Try to avoid the Debbie Downers...you know...the ones who only want to tell you their horror stories and painful experiences. They can be exhausting and cause unnecessary anxiety. Find those people that are positive, open minded, and supportive of your decisions. They will be a good source for when you need to talk to someone or get advice.
5. Embrace the stretchmarks. 
   I used to be bothered by them and envy (borderline hate) all those lucky women who would have babies and come out of pregnancy without a single stretchmark!!! But then I realized that no one is ever going to see them so whooooo cares! Yeah sure the nurse or doctor will see them for my 6week postpartum checkup, but they've already seen my vahjayjay so what's a couple more stretchmarks? And no there aren't enough creams, oils, or lotions that will completely get rid of them or prevent them (well at least that was the case for me) but don't feel ugly about it. Those marks mean you have been blessed to carry a child, and that blessing trumps any tiger stripes or lightning bolts that run wild across my belly.....and thighs and hips and muli and places I can't see without a mirror lol....
6. Take your maternity photos during the 2nd Trimester
   I'm usually still sick and not "bumpy" enough during 1st Trimester. And by 3rd Trimester nothing cute fits and I'm usually just too tired and uncomfortable to pose nicely.  It didn't matter with my first pregnancy, but as I continued with more kids and a belly that progressed faster and faster with each pregnancy, I learned that 2nd trimester is typically the best time for those wonderful maternity pics. 

Birthing

1. Trust yourself. 
   The female body is amazing and has been made perfectly for childbearing. Women have been popping babies since the beginning. So trust your instincts and speak up if you feel uncomfortable with anything at any time. Oh and along those lines....
2. Have some sort of a plan for your delivery.
    Especially if you are birthing in a hospital. This again goes back to getting educated. If I was better prepared, I would have had a natural drug free vaginal birth with Leila and probably chosen my caregiver more carefully.
3. Don't be disappointed if things don't go as you pictured. I planned and prepared for a drug free vaginal birth with Viiga and ended up with a C section at 37 weeks. Bottom line...things can come up that will change your plans. Be flexible. Spoiler alert!! If you don't get this lesson from your pregnancy or birth (or just life even), you'll definitely learn it from your kids (they are master teachers).
4. Birthing does hurt, but it's manageable. 
   Don't believe the births on TV or in the movies. Those births are over-exaggerated and far from the reality that you can have a much calmer birth. Yes there will be pain, but your body is far more capable than you think.
5. If men had vaginas and uteruses (uteri?)  they would brag about it. 
   Truth!
6. Pregnancy and birth is the easy part. 
   Believe it or not the 9 months and however long hours of labor are the easy part. Everything after is like woah (the only way I know how to summarize it). 

Post Pregnancy

1. Your stomach will be like a deflated balloon.
   You won't like it. But it will go down so don't panic.
2. That first week home with Baby is crazy. 
   You will learn the true meaning of sleep deprivation,anxiety, and pure love.
3. Surrounding yourself with good people can help with the babyblues.
   My baby blues lasted about one day for about ten minutes when I randomly cried for no reason about a week after Leila's birth. Same thing with Viiga's birth. But it wasn't anything bothersome, I just didn't know what was going it. In both circumstances I was surrounded by family and always had someone I could turn to for support. That's probably why my blues were so minor. 
4. Post Partum Depression is RealIt's not the same thing as baby blues, it's much worse. I had a bit of PPD after Sefa's birth. I was very self conscious about my body. My recovery took longer than my first baby's and I had a hard time losing weight.  I strongly believe that the circumstances contributing to it included: the adjustment to two kids, lack of sleep, lack of proper nutrition, going back to work four weeks after delivering, stress of finding a baby-sitter every day, stress of keeping up with the bills, the birth control I was using (implanon), not taking time for myself, and feeling like I didn't have anyone to turn to other than Aljay.
5. You do all the work so take care of yourself.
    If your breastfeeding, then you're the one getting up in the night. Even if you're formula feeding, you're getting up. Baby cries, it's most likely your touch that will sooth baby's crying. If you're fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home-mom then it's you and baby(s) all day every day. It can be very exhausting. Take some "me time" and do what makes you feel happy and sane. Again, get your husband on board too. Everyone wins when Mommy is happy.
6. That means, let people help. 
   When people want to help, let them. Don't feel like you have to be superwoman and cater to everyone and be a good host. Relax. Just worry about you and baby. Everyone else comes second. 
7. Everyone gives advice. 
   This really applies to all areas- conception, pregnancy, birthing, raising your kids...everyone and their dog will give you advice. Some of it is really good stuff, some of it not so necessary. You can take it or leave it, so don't let it bother you. Everyone means well, so nod your head and smile and listen to whatever they have to say and then say 'thank you' . Then go and do you. 
8. PRAY PRAY PRAY
   Always pray. Like sincerely pray. Pray out loud, on your knees, in a quiet place. I know circumstances won't always allow it, but try your best. Pour your heart out to the Lord as often as you can. You will never feel alone if you do. 

Phew....Okay I think I'm done for now. I'm sure many other things will come back to remembrance, but I think that is a sufficient list for now. 

I hope my kids find some use in these tips.